Happy Valentine's Day, Sheet Shaker
On the weekend before Valentine’s Day, I received a call from a Michigan number I did not recognize. I let it go to voicemail and upon checking it, heard the following recited in a deep, soulful voice:
"Hey Babe, this is the Sheet Shaker. I just wanted to let you know I had fun time last night. The Sheet Shaker is thinking of you. Give the Sheet Shaker a call when you get a chance."
Misdialed number apparently. Over the course of the next few days, I received similarly misdirected hang-ups. I didn't think too much of it until today, Valentine’s Day, when I happen get another voicemail from the same number:
"I've been trying to call you, but you don't call back. I'm not sure how to get through..." and so forth.
Then it hit me; I could see the comedy of errors unfolding: Sheet Shaker meets the woman of his dreams last Friday. Has a wonderful evening, one worthy of coining the pseudonym "Sheet Shaker." Lucky Ms. X hastily scrawls her number on a scrap of paper, hoping he'll call. The sevens look like twos, or something, and long story short, Sheet Shaker thinks he's being played for a fool. Meanwhile, Ms. X is probably wondering, "Why hasn't he called?" And to top it all off, here it is Valentine's Day!
The fate of love was now in my hands. So I did what any soul-possessing human would, I tracked down the number in my phone's log and pressed "call". There was a distant ringing on the other end followed by a pensive "Hello?" The sexy baritone gone, I could hear the pain.
"I'm sorry to bother you, but you've been calling my number by mistake. I just wanted to let you know you had the wrong number because it really sounded like you wanted to get a hold of someone," I explained, trying to sound sincere and not completely loony.
"I'm so sorry," he said, "sorry to bother you."
"No problem, I just thought you'd want to know," and that was it. The Sheet Shaker had hung up, probably gone from my life forever. I could feel the twinge of anguish; had I explained myself well enough? Did he realize Ms. X could still be out there, waiting for his call? Did he have the wherewithal to find her?
O, Sheet Shaker, it is my Valentine's wish for you to be reunited with your Sheet Shaketress. We're all looking for our bliss, and praying it isn't simply momentary when we find it. Perhaps the number was bunk when she wrote it down, knowing her moment with you was simply that, a single moment. But maybe, just maybe, she found her bliss too, and is waiting for those passionate words of yours that somehow made their way to me. How does one forward a message in a bottle? For my part, I've tried.
Godspeed, and I hope that I've been of some help to you on your quest.